What makes difficult discussions difficult?
Discussions about politics, social issues, ideology, and other deeply-held beliefs can all be difficult to talk about in a constructive way.
What makes these discussions so hard? While different discussions may be difficult for different reasons, there are a number of factors - about ourselves and the world we live in - that make it hard to talk about some of the issues that we care most deeply about. These include:
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Polarization
Many political and social issues are polarizing. While people tend to be more closely aligned on issues than they think, we are increasingly disliking those who disagree with us.
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Sorting
More and more, people are sorting themselves into groups that hold common views about politics, policy, and even scientific issues. As a result, it can be tempting to make assumptions about someone based on limited information about them.
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Confirmation Bias
This is our tendency to seek out and interpret information in ways that tell us what we want to hear, and avoid information that challenges our beliefs. This natural bias can make it hard to engage with views that contradict our own.
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In-Group Bias
We all act more kindly and with a more open mind towards those that are members of the same groups we are. When someone disagrees with us about an important issue, we tend to think in terms of “us vs. them,” which can make it hard to listen to and learn from each other.
These problems aren’t going away
But whether you’re leading a discussion or just participating in one, there are actions anyone can take to make things go a little more smoothly:
Share Experiences
It can be easy to see someone we disagree with as just being a contrarian. Sharing not only our beliefs but our experiences of how we reached them can help humanize one another, and help us see past our differences.
Consider the Opposite
Take on the role of someone who thinks you’re wrong, see what reasons you can come up with to support a view that’s not your own.
Focus on What You Have in Common
Identifying shared aspects of your identity or common interests and values with someone you disagree with can help turn a “them” into an “us.”
For more tips and activities to help to cut through barriers to constructive discussion, check out section 3: Making Difficult Discussions Easier in the Better Discussions handbook.